Yum-O

New recipe I'm going to try this week. It also happens to be low-cal!

A good week

I'm beginning to think that a new name for my blog should be the Saturday morning blogger. It seems to be the only time in my crazy week that I can sit down and ponder. And this Saturday seems to be especially chill since my DH (I promised I would never use the acronyms I see on way too many infertility message boards, but I find this one cute-It's Dear Husband btw) is out of town on a wonderfully manly fishing trip with some of his Louisiana brokers. While he is staying in a manly oasis lodge in between the Mississippi River and Gulf of Mexico, I sit here sipping my coffee looking forward to a lovely, eventless day.
So why was this a good week? I would have to say the highlight of it was that I lost 3.6 lbs this week! As much as I would love to say that I woke up this morning to my new, lighter self, this is not the case. I have been watching and calorie-counting every morsel of food/drink to go into my mouth, and thank GOD it paid off. It's entirely too much work to not see any results. More exciting than the 3.6 lbs is that my pants fit SO much better than they did a week ago, which is worth every fun size Snickers bar and Sonic cheeseburger I passed up in the last 7 days. Although I initially ridiculed, degraded, and loathed Kyle for starting his calorie counting several weeks ago (aren't I the perfect picture of a supportive wife?), I've jumped on the bandwagon-living up to the lessons I teach my 6th graders (he/she is only making fun of you because they are jealous). And I was extremely jealous of the 10 lbs he seemed to melt away effortlessly.

So even though I will continue to soldier through each day, diligently watching/restricting what I eat, this process will unavoidably be interrupted once I see that pink plus sign. :) Since I'm on a higher dosage of femara this month, which I'm pretty sure is enough hormones to create quadruplets, Kyle and I feel very hopeful that this is "the month." If not for a baby, at least for an ovulation (which at this point, might be equally exciting).
The amazing thing to me throughout this process is that somehow each month, I am as hopeful as the month before. You would think that each passing month would chip away at the hope, but oddly enough, it's just the opposite. It really is as if my mind is erased of any defeat I felt the month before. It truly is another one of the unexplainable things I have discovered throughout this process. My prayer, and what I would ask you to pray for, is that it persists. And that I would continue to look for the joy we find in hope for as many cycles as it takes for us to create the miracle we so desperately want. ;)

A few things that have kept me hopeful and happy this week:

1. So great, and so timely! Although I hope I'm not 90 before I'm with child?

2. Kyle's sweet "surprise" note he left me to come home to Friday after he left. And also waking up to his attempt to video chat with me this morning from Louisiana because he hated waking up without me (I know, insert gagging noises here). But gosh he's so great.

3. My darling nephew, Canon who makes me smile and fills my heart with joy. Don't know what I'd do without him. And for that matter, looking at all of my friends' darling babies and belly bumps. It gives me so much to look forward to.

Warm weekend wishes to all!

When you wish on a Saturday morning...

It seems I do a lot of wishing lately. Here are a few things on my current list-in no particular order.






Aren't these cute? They're measuring cups! I might also add I would like for them to sit on the kitchen counter of our new house sometime soon...




If and when I am with child, I would like to look as cute as she does. I just love cute pregnant women. Although I'm a bit fuller in the hips and thighs, this could be doable if I stop eating all forms of carbs, and begin a rigorous workout routine that involves running long distances every day. In fact, I'll just stop driving and run everywhere. That might work.

And this is the lovely abode my dear friends and we will be shacking up in over spring break on Lake Travis in Austin, TX. My wish? That the next 3 weeks will fly by. Oh, and for 80 degree, sunny weather.

And thanks to me watching the food network this morning, I am now desperately craving crab cakes. Crap, this wish makes wish #2 an impossibility.






I just love this idea. This is definitely at the top of my wishlist. Only with our wedding date: 6-7-08 in the frame. :) Again, bonus if it could be hanging in our new home. Super cute website. They also have dates for baby births!


I wish the wishlist ended here. I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now.

My love

I'd like to think I do a pretty good job of telling Kyle how special he is to me EVERY day of the year, but since it's Valentine's Day, here's a special shout out to him. You are my rock, best friend, and best dinner companion I know. ;) I love sharing every day with you, laughing with you, drinking coffee on Saturday mornings with you, and sharing the moments that only we will have to cherish forever. I'm continually amazed at the ways you surprise me, and blessed that we have grown stronger and happier through the past year and a half of our marriage. Teddy and I love you with all of our cheesy hearts. I will love you many years past the hot fox you are in this picture. xoxo... ;)

Baby Steps...

Well, I sit here in my living room, feeling pretty close to 100% from my surgery this morning. I have to say that I was never really "nervous" about the surgery because it was going to be such an easy, relatively painless, procedure. Being a control freak, I was a little leery about the whole anesthesia thing. Something a bit discomforting about falling asleep and waking up with no recollection of what happened. But the drugs were good. :)
So now for the news. It turns out that I actually did NOT have a polyp in my uterus. Instead, the lining of my uterus was just very thick, so it "appeared" to be a polyp. Good news! She still removed the tissue to have it looked at just to make sure there are no cancerous or abnormal looking things about it. But Dr. Craig feels very confident it will all look good. And the best news: In just 2-3 more weeks, we are back on the baby train. Oh, and they gave me percocet. :) The one thing still gnawing at me is that when she originally told me she thought I needed the surgery, she also told me she thought that the next month of fertility treatments would require a higher dosage of drugs since it appeared the dosage I was on wasn't creating "ripe" eggs (I realize I sound like a chicken). This is the last dose of the current drug they have been giving me (femara-letrezole). If this month doesn't work, it's on to Clomid. Will I be the next octo-mom? Hmmm...well it turns out that the chances of multiples are actually much lower than most people think with drugs (less than 8%). So here's hoping I'm in the 92%!

On another positive note...we have recently hired a WONDERFUL realtor recommended to us by our good friends, the Doty's. We have already had a few showings, too! Albeit the first one was a bit unexpected (ie. we did NOT pick up the house as well as we should have that day), and I'm pretty sure Kyle's underwear were on our bathroom floor. Oops. Even though we are still awaiting an offer, I feel extremely optimistic that this wonderful woman, Linda Finch, is going to sell our home in no time.

So, still no baby, and still no SOLD sign in the yard, but I feel happier and more optimistic today than I have in awhile. A few days ago I was talking to a friend at school, explaining to her when my surgery was. She really blew me away when she replied, "I'm so excited for you." I kinda looked at her, puzzled, wondering why she would be excited for me to have surgery. To which she replied, "It's just one step closer to you getting pregnant!"
I can't say enough about my amazing family and close friends' support throughout this journey. I have seen, daily, that God puts people in our lives for reasons we don't always know until later on. From the family and friends who have refused to let me throw a pity party, and insist that I stay positive, to the ones who let me cry and worry when I need that, and cry with me, to the wonderful girl who lead me to Dr. Craig, and through this journey with PCOS. At times when I thought God had forgotten about me, these people have shown me He couldn't be more present in my life.

So, my promise to myself is that this time will not be lost on me. This will not just be a "tough time" that I look back on and think "Man, I'm glad that's over." This will forever be a time that I look back on and think, "I didn't know what You were doing God, but you did." One of my favorite verses since I was in highschool has been Romans 12:12:

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Even though I'm enduring the "baby steps" (pun intended :)) of His big plan, I'm learning a little bit more about what He means by this, and for now, I'm joyful.

Another step in the journey

So today I went and had a procedure to better prepare me for the surgery I will have to have a week from tomorrow. It's called an HSG, and it was done to let Dr. Craig see if my fallopian tubes are clear and free of anything that might be blocking them (which would make conception much more difficult). While it was extremely uncomfortable and somewhat painful, the results were good news in that everything looked great. Such a relief. I also found out that the surgery I have to have will require no incisions, so my recovery will be much easier.
I've never considered myself to be a "worrier" or someone who always thinks the worst will happen, but ever since my diagnosis I seem to be more inclined to think that way. When Kyle and I first started trying, I assumed it would be a piece of cake. My mom, sister, friends, practically every girl I know had zero problems getting pregnant. I had never had a single health issue in my entire life, why would it start now? As month after month went by with no luck, I started to think the worst. I had several breakdowns where I would cry and cry, and voice my greatest fear-that something would keep me from having a baby. And sure enough, it came true. As we progress through the fertility journey, I struggle with believing that things won't get worse. And everything is 100% out of my control. Every ultrasound, procedure, and blood test is a held breath. But, another recurring theme is that I am daily forced to give up my worries and control to God. Not because it's what I "should" do, and I truly don't say that just to say that. I say it because He is the one and only thing that gets me through most days, and the only reason (next to Kyle) that I don't fall down the hill. Never in my life have I found more comfort in His word than I do now. Faith is no longer something I say that I have because I'm a Christian, and that's what Christians say; it's something I cling to with everything I have. And I'm pretty sure that's how God intended it to be.