Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Infertility re-visited

So this little blog of mine initially started out as something a bit different than what it has evolved into today (which, let's be honest, does it really have a "theme"?). I had always been hesitant to start a blog because I didn't believe I had anything worth writing about that others would enjoy reading. However, when Kyle and I discovered that our road to getting pregnant may be longer than we had expected, I was flooded with a million emotions. I truly just wanted a place to vent my anger, frustrations, sadness, hope, etc., and I really didn't care if anyone read it. I sent the link to my close friends and family, and they were so supportive and excited that they had a way to keep up with what was going on with us and our journey as so many of them felt bad constantly asking what the status of things were. So this leads me to another component of our journey to becoming pregnant. I was definitely not one to stand on the roof tops and shout to complete strangers that we were struggling to get pregnant, but I never lied about our situation to anyone, for several reasons. For one, I'm a terrible liar. There was no way I could have put on a happy face to my friends and given a casual answer when they inquired when Kyle and I wanted to start trying for a family. And the times that I did, it somehow made our situation worse, as though it were something to be ashamed of or secretive about. And I hated the way that felt. Secondly, I wanted people's prayers and support. I believe in the power of prayer, and ultimately, I believe, is a huge reason why we were able to finally conceive. I never wanted sympathy from people, just prayer. And lastly, and probably most importantly, I wanted my friends and maybe even their friends to know that I was here to support them should they ever have to endure a similar journey. I was blessed with someone who helped guide me through my journey, and I desperately wanted to be the same for any other woman dealing with infertility. And, interestingly enough, I have been able to be that person for a few other women.
So, why do I bring all of this up when clearly infertility is no longer an issue for me? It is something that I will forever hold dear to my heart. There are millions of women every day all over the world who feel the hurt and loss of not being about to conceive a child. I know firsthand how it feels. And while Kyle and I had only just put a toe in the water of infertility before discovering we were pregnant, many women go through years and years of anguish before finding their own miracles. I wouldn't change a single thing about our journey. Earlier this year, I would have thought I was crazy for saying that. However, looking back at the 10 months or so we endured of wondering why we couldn't get pregnant, I realized that God had some incredibly important lessons to teach me through it, and it was really a beautiful, perfect journey. And I am a much stronger, more faith-filled person because of it.
I know there are people reading this blog that I do not know, or do not know very well. Initially this made me uncomfortable because I have shared a lot of personal thoughts and feelings on here, and I didn't want random people just creeping around. I have even very seriously contemplated making it private, and may someday do so. However, I am going to try to stick to my initial plan of being open and honest about my life, and I hope if you do follow this blog, that you will officially become a follower, so I can be aware of who is reading these random posts.

I'm thankful to have finally realized the truth behind the name of this blog. So, in conclusion, I'll leave you with this... ;)
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

1 comment:

  1. I stumbled across your blog not too long ago, and it was perfect timing because I have a really dear friend going through all of this right now. Thank you for sharing your journey!! I cant wait to see pics of your beautiful girls!(the ball family only makes beautiful babies) :)congrats again!